Current feelings: lost, lonely, frustrated.

All three at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, i'm not depressed or anything like that.  I honestly think this is a feeling no one can relate to.  Either that, or I want to be selfish in my feelings and not allow anyone the benefit of being able to relate to me. (haha)  People reminsce about college days and how its so lonely now and how they (infact, we all!) miss their friends and all kinds of things.  Yet, sometimes people fail to see that they are in no real problem.  They can come and go as they please, visit whomever they like, and enjoy these floating moments between graduation and entrance into the real world.  If they wanna do this "WA-LA!" done.  If they wanna go here "WA-LA!" there.  I'm stuck on this mentality that the decisions I make today are going to effect me for the rest of my life...and slowly I'm starting to realize thats not true.  Anyways, back to current feelings.  I'm in vegas, completely isolated from everyone I know, in a foreign city that doesn't have much to offer with no surrounding cities to explore, studying for a test that consumes my days and wastes my weekends.  I interact with two people on a daily basis and don't have many things to push me through my studying.  No friends to meet up with later, no job to prioritize my days and no outlet besides the TV and a treadmill (and i hate running).  And, its my fault.  I won't let myself do anything until my test is done.  I want to get a job, find a dance studio, and plan weekend trips.  I suppose once this test is over with, everything will fall into place.  A part of me thought moving to Vegas was a good idea.  I thought I needed change, and that a new city with new surroundings would provide that in every way possible.  Instead, this new city has left me with endless thoughts, and NO attention span.  And, I think about things coming here was supposed to help me forget about.  But being here just makes me remember.  Interesting.  I just want this test over with so I can start me.

On a lighter note...i'm going to San Diego on wednesday and i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG we're graduating soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOAH....  as the weeks get shorter, and graduation gets closer it's sinking in that my four years at ucsd is soon going to be over.   I can't believe how much happened in those four years, lets alone in this past year, haha and this quarter!  However, my final spring quarter has been great (extremely busy, but its ok) and I've created so many memories that will last forever that I think I'm finally ok with walking away from san diego and seeing what lies ahead  Its a good feeling.  But, of course, like most everyone I'll miss SD, the familiar drive around la jolla, the grey cloud that is stationary over ucsd, walking into PC, visiting friends down the street with ease, stayin up late with the roomies, PB (haha), parking in horton and walking around downtown, staying up at club clics on finals week, swimming everyday in the summer, walking to vons, TGI Fridays, the beach, gathering at midnight for bday surprises, SunGod, and of course Discovery Hall in Revelle, the start of it all.  Hmm the list could go on and on.  However, one thing i won't miss? THE STUPID WEATHER! (its raining right now....mid may....while everywhere else is sunny...and while i'm trying to study for my midterm) no good.

Ok, back to studying....

I saw this on a friends profile:

it's so sad...how quickly someone so close to you, can become a stranger.  I don't wanna be a stranger

Its so true though.  Sometimes, people just walk in your life, influence you, change you, educate you, maybe even do nothing and then... walk out.  Somehow and in someway they've altered the path in your life.  Perhaps they opened your eyes, brought out a side of you you didn't know you had, made you realize what is really important and what matters.  Maybe they left you with memories, confidence, a smile, or just appreciation.  Maybe they didn't.  Maybe their presence set you back, slowed things down, who knows.  But for some reason so many people come in and out of our lives.  One day they may be a close friend, even a best friend...someone you trust and look to....and the next, a stranger.   This happens in so many situations from friends, classmates, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, anyone.  Anyone.  I wonder why...  I think its all a learning experience to find out who we are.  I know there are people i've kept close to me no matter what happens.  No matter how far I went, how busy I was, or how involved I seemed.  No matter how chaotic or upsetting situations were, and no matter how happy I was because of something that didn't involve them....i kept them close.  They will never be strangers to me.  But I don't want to be a stranger either....